Can you imagine...

I actually found this blog again.  I had completely forgotten it! 

This is 5/26/2018, and the last blog was 11/03/2011. 

But, really, that was me finding it like four years after losing it again.  Well, whatever...let's get to it. 

This is a poker blog, I still like poker, and, well, I still suck at it. 

Although....although....

I have gotten three first place finishes in one week just this week!

And, AS I'm writing this I am SERIOUSLY donking off in a $20 tournament with reentry.  Am I on tilt?  Am I nuts?  I'm on my third buy in because I'm playing with an incredible amount of tilt, and I have no real reason why. 

Eh...I'm not going to cry over it.  What's done is done, what's spent is spent, and on this third buy in, if I just get back to what was getting me to do well recently which is mostly just simplifying my game, not playing TOO many hands out of position, betting at pots if I think I can get them, getting out if I think I can't.  Value towning people that can be value towned. 

Example of a donkish hand I actually won:

Game started at: 2018/5/26 20:44:58
$2,000 GTD Superstack,
Seat 9 is the button
Seat 1: Bluffseed (19991).
Seat 2: glenmawr70 (19080).
Seat 3: Ten5pirit (23946).
Seat 4: sloppydrnkpshngbttns (19515).
Seat 5: BigUnit14 (18675).
Seat 6: Four2Eight (19225).
Seat 9: HOGSACK (17432).
Player Bluffseed has small blind (20)
Player glenmawr70 has big blind (40)
Player Bluffseed received a card.
Player Bluffseed received a card.
Player glenmawr70 received card: [3c]
Player glenmawr70 received card: [5s]
Player Ten5pirit received a card.
Player Ten5pirit received a card.
Player sloppydrnkpshngbttns received a card.
Player sloppydrnkpshngbttns received a card.
Player BigUnit14 received a card.
Player BigUnit14 received a card.
Player Four2Eight received a card.
Player Four2Eight received a card.
Player HOGSACK received a card.
Player HOGSACK received a card.
Player Ten5pirit folds
Player sloppydrnkpshngbttns folds
Player BigUnit14 raises (115)
Player Four2Eight folds
Player HOGSACK calls (115)
Player Bluffseed folds
Player glenmawr70 calls (75)
*** FLOP ***: [8h 5d 6c]
Player glenmawr70 checks
Player BigUnit14 checks
Player HOGSACK bets (365)
Player glenmawr70 calls (365)
Player BigUnit14 folds
*** TURN ***: [8h 5d 6c] [3d]
Player glenmawr70 checks
Player HOGSACK allin (16952)
Player glenmawr70 calls (16952)
*** RIVER ***: [8h 5d 6c 3d] [3h]
------ Summary ------
Pot: 34999. Rake 0
Board: [8h 5d 6c 3d 3h]
Player Bluffseed does not show cards.Bets: 20. Collects: 0. Loses: 20.
*Player glenmawr70 shows: Full House (3/5) [3c 5s]. Bets: 17432. Collects: 34999. Wins: 17567.
Player Ten5pirit does not show cards.Bets: 0. Collects: 0. Wins: 0.
Player sloppydrnkpshngbttns does not show cards.Bets: 0. Collects: 0. Wins: 0.
Player BigUnit14 does not show cards.Bets: 115. Collects: 0. Loses: 115.
Player Four2Eight does not show cards.Bets: 0. Collects: 0. Wins: 0.
Player HOGSACK shows: Two pairs. 8s and 3s [10h 8d]. Bets: 17432. Collects: 0. Loses: 17432.


Why call pre with 53?  Don't know.  Okay, I do know, I was on tilt.  Then, I flop a 5, and he bets a sizable bet on the flop, and I call with bottom pair.  The turn obviously gives me a few pairs, but that's by no means the nuts and I check, he goes all in, and without hesitation I call.  

The call was not built on any knowledge or read.  Just tilt.  Granted, it's probably a well hidden two pair, but that's besides the point.  

I'm still in this tournament as we speak, and I just called a 5x raise with J2 suited.  I'm not off tilt.  I'm going to leave this up, and talk about a few more hands.  What I'm really trying to do, I think, is write enough to where some part of my brain reaches through and suppresses the tilt.  

Tilt has absolutely controlled by poker game from the beginning in January 2005.  My entire poker playing can be described as a fight against tilt.  

And, why?  What pisses me off so much about the game, yet allows me to keep on playing?  Some days, and sometimes months at a time, I'm completely fine, focused, winning, semi-profitable.  But, it all goes away with tilt.  

I think my main problem is that I think people are disrespecting me at the table.  They're not.  But, I get that in my head.  

Back to the game...I nosedived $60 of my roll.  3 buy ins...out of completely and utter tilt.  I realize, some have done worse.  

So, I quit that tournament, and decided to do something stupider than that...play 1/2 NLHE cash.  I can't tell you how stupid this is.  I am absolutely HORRIBLE at cash games in every way possible.  This can only end badly, so I'll actually report on it as I'm in the middle of it.  

So,like usual in cash, I go up big early, and stay because I think I have to.  I went, on one hand, from $200 to 350, and instead of getting out because 100% of the time, my stack completely dwindles, I stay in, and go down to like $260.  I'm okay with that though because I got in wanting to make $60.  I go up a little, to $300, and I should leave, now I'm down to $290.  I need to get out soon because I really want the $60 that I lost in tournaments, and if I just leave now, I'm even, actually up for the day, and I can regroup.  Nope, I get 88, and decide to keep playing.  

Ok...that part of my head came through a little, and said, you're up for the day, get out, you've played hands, you'll be okay!  And, I got out.  I shouldn't have been there in the first place.  

So, on a tilty AS FUCK day, I managed to be up a little.  Now I just need to figure out how to get back to a regular mindset.